Eurovision Lemurs

First off, having just watched all of the songs in the Final in order, we have to say the SVT producers have put together a great running order for the big show. It really does flow and build. Of course, we doubt if the EBU is going to let the TV show producers have the power to determine the running order after this year because a) someone is always going to feel slighted, and b) well, imagine if Azerbaijan or Armenia won and had the power to pick where Armenia or Azerbaijan performed in the final. That would not go well.

Now, to our predictions. I dropped the routine of picking flags out of a hat for the final, since I didn’t want to risk pulling Lithuania’s flag out of a hat and looking foolish. Plus I had some definite ideas about who was going to finish top 10.

Let’s make this clear: neither Jen or I really have any idea whatsoever about who is going to win.

The story of this Eurovision seems to be “if not Denmark, then who?” I suppose we should default to Denmark, since they’ve been the bookies’ favorites from the get-go, but we both feel like they’re going to come up short.

Jen thinks Azerbaijan could pull it off, because their staging is so well done and Farid Mammadov has got charisma to spare. I think Netherlands is going to win because I like “Birds” a lot and Germany won with “Satellite”. Neither are rational reasons, but why be rational when “Something” and “It’s My Life” both made the Final?

As an irrational side note, I also irrationally believe that Iceland could win too. Don’t ask me why, don’t ask me how.

Generally, we’ve picked similar top 10 finishers, with a couple of differences: Jen thinks Greece is top five, whereas I think they’re just going to miss the top 10. And I think Norway is going to finish in the top 10 and Jen thinks Margaret Berger is going to flop. Not flop to the bottom of the table, mind you, since that spot is reserved for Spain this year.

If you’re curious about Kieran’s picks, here they are:

Told you this was a hard one to call. It was also a hard one to watch. A lot of the acts just fell flat for us, lacking in energy and intensity. Even numbers that looked like they had some pep to them, such as “Marry Me” and “Alcohol Is Free”, had a lot of performers running around but not generating sparks. (In the case of Finland, Krista Siegfrids has been sick, so you can give her a pass, right to the final.)

I won’t say that there were any undeserving finalists, just some underwhelming ones. Margaret Berger’s performance tonight felt more like she was going through the motions. The fervency that she had in the Melodi Grand Prix was nowhere to be found, and while it wasn’t a disaster by any stretch of the imagination, it was also not getting us up out of our seats.

ByeAlex, meanwhile, looked wicked nervous, so much so that we were a bit worried he would not make it through. But it feels like he already has a strong fanbase behind him, and I think that carried him. Hopefully, the only butterflies he has on Saturday are in his postcard video.

Both Jen and I are were really bummed that Latvia and Albania missed out. Not that we were expecting PeR to go through, but they were a terrific opener and had enthusiasm to spare. It would have been nice to see them rewarded. And Adrian Lulgjuraj &  Bledar Sejko delivered a big performance that we really thought would have blown Armenia’s Dorians out of the water. But bigger isn’t always better, is it?

Unless you’re talking about Cezar from Romania. It’s kind of funny, but I kinda wish it was a bit campier. Still, thrilled to see him in the final, because you can’t let Belarus hog all the Eurovision wackiness.

Score one for using reason and logic to make your Eurovision predictions instead of drawing flags out of a hat. Jen got nine of 10 picks correct, whereas Chris and Kieran only got seven.

Frankly, at the end of the show, we really thought Jen was going to go nine of 10 because Croatia or Montenegro pipped Serbia. Did anyone see Lithuania coming?

The big story tonight in our minds is that all four former Yugoslav republics that performed tonight did not make Saturday’s Final. Watching the show, it was clear to us there was no way Slovenia and Serbia were going through: Hannah sang poorly and Moje 3… I wanted them to be campier, and they went for it, but camp still has to be fun, and this collapsed under the weight of gaudy dresses. It just didn’t work on any level.

While former Yugoslav republics went out, former Soviet republics did well. Russia was great, Estonia and Ukraine were solid, Lithuania was lucky, and Belarus was everything Serbia wasn’t. Belarus clearly has an unending supply of creativity, because this was the third different staging Alyona Lanskaya and company have given us this season. That’s two whole stagings and one whole song more than Denmark!

Speaking of Denmark, Emmelie de Forest and her co-performers were visibly moved by the support they got from the Malmö crowd. Of course, given the proximity, the crowd probably had more than its share of Danish fans ready to cheer Emmelie on.

For me, Russia, Netherlands, and Denmark are the three songs from tonight that could win the whole shebang. Anouk in particular was spectacular, and Dina Garipova generated her share of goosebumps. One of our favorite performances on the night was Roberto Bellarosa’s for Belgium. He sounded great, he gave good face to the camera, and while the back-up dancers were a bit distracting, we both felt it came out brilliant.

It’s a weird year when we’re sad Croatia and Montenegro didn’t make the final and we’re actively rooting for Netherlands and Belgium to do well, but there it is.

We wrap up our look at what might have been with a gander at the Big 5 countries and Sweden.

1. United Kingdom. Internal selection, not applicable.

2. Sweden. Yohio, “Heartbreak Hotel”. It takes some guts to name your song “Heartbreak Hotel”, but any 17-year-old who can craft a perfect androgynous anime character look is not short on guts. Yohio overwhelmingly won the Swedish public vote. However, he couldn’t overcome placing second from last in Melodifestivalen’s international jury vote to snag the win. Robin Stjernberg came second in the public vote and first in the jury vote, which was more than enough to book his place in the Eurovision Song Contest Final. Frankly, we’re not complaining since we felt like Yohio’s stunning style couldn’t prop up a sub-par HIM-meets-The Ark pop-metal number.

3. Italy: Internal selection, not applicable. However, since Italy picks its Eurovision entry from any of the artists who perform at its Sanremo Music Festival, it could have done what it did in 2011 and selected Sanremo’s Young Artist award winner,  ”Mi servirebbe sapere” by Antonio Maggio (who sports a similar quiff to Samremo winner Marco Mengoni). On the other hand, Maggio’s song is a bland slice of quirky Italian pop, so we’re not going to suggest the selection panel made the wrong decision.

4. France. Internal selection, not applicable.

5. Spain. El Sueño de Morfeo, “Atrévete“. ESDM was an internal selection, but a vote was held to pick the band its song. If you can imagine Dervish rocking out, then you might conjure up something like ”Atrévete”. It was the wild card pick chosen online before the Spanish National Final. However, when it came time to choose, ”Contigo hasta el final” received 53.4 percent of the public vote and the first place vote from all three judges on the jury. ”Atrévete” was the clear runner-up, with second place votes from the three judges and 33.7% of the public vote.

6. Germany. LaBrassBanda, “Nackert”. The voting structure for this year’s Unser Song combined votes from a public televote, a live jury that included last year’s German representative Roman Lob, and a vote conducted of radio listeners who registered their choices online after all the songs aired on nine radio stations around the country. Cascada was the favorite going in (since they were already an established pop act), and they scored 12 points from the televote, 10 from the radio listeners, and 8 from the jury.

LaBrassBanda were the clear choice of the radio listeners, who gave their horn-driven beer hall rave-up 12 points. They also captured 10 points from the televote. However, their chances to win were demolished by the jury, who only gave them 1 point. It almost makes you wonder if the jury knew the radio vote going into the final. Cascada won by seven points, and if the jury vote had been consistent with the other two groups of voters, Germany would have had a far different sound gracing the Malmö Arena.

UPDATED 4/24/2013: Ospero points out in the comments section that my analysis there doesn’t quite work out, mathematically speaking. Still, it is worth noting that the jury was absolutely not impressed with LaBrassBanda.

Here are Kieran’s thoughts on this year’s Eurovision entries by the Big Five and Sweden. Remember: he is four. Be kind.

France: Amandine Bourgeois – “L’enfer et moi”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Chainoh Dance, “which is kind of like the wiggle dance!”

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“This song makes me wiggly.”

Germany: Cascada – “Glorious”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Up Down Dance.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“It makes me dance on the couch!”

“It makes me march, too!”

Italy: Marco Mengoni – “L’Essenziale”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Kerthin Dance, which involved jumping from cushion to cushion.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“I liked it because of the sound of his voice.”

“I liked the song because he was under water.”

Spain: El Sueño de Morfeo – “Contigo hasta el final”

Did Kieran dance? No.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes, but…

What did Kieran have to say?

He spent the song explaining how to play the jumping on cushions game.

“I like it from the guitars.”

Sweden: Robin Stjernberg – “You”

Did Kieran dance? No.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“He started so quick!”

“I like this song!”

United Kingdom: Bonnie Tyler – “Believe In Me”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Penguin Dance. (It is what you think it is.)

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

He did a weird hand gesture and stuck out his tongue.

“I like her because of her head!”

THE VERDICT: Kieran’s favorite – “You!” (Points.)

We sat down today with Kieran and watched the run-through of this year’s second Eurovision Semi-Final to gather his thoughts. Remember: he is four.

Also, at a certain point (namely, during Israel’s song) he got tired of dancing and also started to hate everything. Four-year-olds are fickle.

1. Latvia: PeR – “Here We Go”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Foot Turn Dance.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“It makes me turn my foot around. And then FALL DOWN!” (Falls down.)

2. San Marino: Valentina Monetta – “Crisalide”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, “This is the Falling Down Dance just like in ‘Birds‘!”

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“It’s good!”

“That dress is too big for her.”

Does an interpretive dance in addition to the Falling Down Dance.

3. FYR Macedonia: Esma & Lozano – “Pred da se razdeni”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Blocks Falling Dance.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“I like both of them because of their heads.”

4. Azerbaijan: Farid Mammadov – “Hold Me”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Zoo-la-loo-la-loo-la Dance, which involved arm swinging.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“It’s weird he says ‘hold’ because I don’t like that word.”

5. Finland: Krista Siegrieds – “Marry Me”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Jump Dance. For a little while.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes, but…

What did Kieran have to say?

After a minute, he walks away and starts playing with marbles.

“This video is a little bit scary.”

6. Malta: Gianluca Bezzina – “Tomorrow”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Hopping on One Foot Dance.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

Doesn’t say anything, just watches the video. While hopping on one foot.

7. Bulgaria: Elitsa Todorova and Stoyan Yankoulov - “Samo Shampioni”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Crazy Hands Dance, which includes lying down and kicking his feet and doing headstands.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

At the start of the song, he stood and scratched his head. Then busted out the Crazy Hands dance.

8. Iceland: Eyþór Ingi Gunnlaugsson – “Ég á Líf”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Toad-morey Dance. “It’s really slow because it doesn’t go fast.”

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“His letter is all wet because he fell into the water!”

9. Greece: Koza Mostra feat. Agathonas Iakovides – “Alcohol is free”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Fasty-o-wig Dance. There is a lot of running fast in place and kicking.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

Hours later, Kieran started to sing, “Abbawah abbawah abbawah is free” over and over again.

10. Israel: Moran Mazor – “Rak Bishvilo”

Did Kieran dance? No. “I’m tired of dancing.”

Did Kieran say he liked it? No.

What did Kieran have to say?

“Actually, I don’t like this song.”

Leaves the room. Comes back with a bag of marshmallows

11. Armenia: Dorians - ”Lonely Planet”

Did Kieran dance? No.

Did Kieran say he liked it? No,

What did Kieran have to say?

Mostly he sat and ate marshmallows.

“I don’t like this because of their shirts. Why are they singing on their shirts?”

12. Hungary: ByeAlex – “Kedvesem”

Did Kieran dance? No.

Did Kieran say he liked it? No.

What did Kieran have to say?

“It’s just bad, bad, bad.”

13. Norway: Margaret Berger – “I Feed You My Love”

Did Kieran dance? No.

Did Kieran say he liked it? No.

What did Kieran have to say?

“I don’t hear any drums.”

14. Albania: Adrian Lulgjuraj &  Bledar Sejko - “Identiet”

Did Kieran dance? No.

Did Kieran say he liked it? No.

What did Kieran have to say?

“Oh no, smoke!”

“That’s cool! They’re outside!”

“I don’t like this because of the smoke.”

15. Georgia: Nodi & Sophie – “Waterfall”

Did Kieran dance? No.

Did Kieran say he liked it? No.

What did Kieran have to say?

“Her name is Sophie! I go to school with Sophie!”

16. Switzerland: Takasa (nee Heilsarmee) – “You and me”

Did Kieran dance? No.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“They are eating in the car. They have to wait until they get home.”

17. Romania: Cezar – “It’s My Life”

Did Kieran dance? No.

Did Kieran say he liked it? No.

What did Kieran have to say?

When Chris asks Kieran if he likes it, Kieran shoots him a dirty look.

“BAD!”

THE VERDICT: Kieran’s favorite – “You and Me”, with “Here We Go” a close second. But he’s still singing “Igranka” and “Alcohol Is Free.”

UPDATE 3/31/2013:  Kieran has informed us he now likes “Kedvesem” and has requested to watch the video twice today.

We sat down today with Kieran and watched the run-through of this year’s first Eurovision Semi-Final to gather his thoughts. Remember: he is four.

We rated his reaction by his comments and by his dancing, although at a certain point, he kept dancing to every song and said he liked everything. But we could tell when he didn’t really like it. (By the way, we didn’t tape his smoking dance moves because he wasn’t wearing pants.)

1. Austria: Natália Kelly – “Shine”

Did Kieran dance? Yes.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“I like it.”

2. Estonia: Birgit Õigemeel – “Et uus saaks alguse”

Did Kieran dance? No.

Did Kieran say he liked it? No.

What did Kieran have to say?

“It’s boring and I don’t like it.”

3. Slovenia: Hannah Mancini - “Straight into love”

Did Kieran dance? Yes.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“I think it’s called ‘Pfst.’” (He was beatboxing to imitate the sound of the drums.)

4. Croatia: Klapa s Mora – “Mizerja”

Did Kieran dance? Yes.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“He has no hair!”

“I like this song.”

5. Denmark: Emmelie de Forest – “Only Teardrops”

Did Kieran dance? Yes.

Did Kieran say he liked it? No.

What did Kieran have to say?

“Why is she laying down like that?”

“Why is she on the floor? She’s just sitting on the floor.”

We asked Kieran what he thought of the song and he yelled, “BAD!”

6. Russia: Dina Garipova – “What if”

Did Kieran dance? Yes. “I only dance to good songs.”

Did Kieran say he liked it? No.

What did Kieran have to say?

“I don’t like her.”

7. Ukraine: Zlata Ognevich – “Gravity”

Did Kieran dance? Yes.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“I’m dancing because I like this song.”

8. Netherlands: Anouk – “Birds”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Fall Down dance. (He started to name his dances, and he named this before he heard the “birds falling down” lyric.)

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“Is this song called ‘Birds’? I WAS RIGHT!”

9. Montenegro: Who See – “Igranka”

Did Kieran dance? Yes: “I’m doing a funky dance! It’s scary too. HOOO!”

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

He began to sing his version of the chorus.

10. Lithuania: Andrius Pojavis – “Something”

Did Kieran dance? Yes.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes, but…

What did Kieran have to say?

He continued to sing the chorus to “Igranka” all throughout this song. And do the funky, scary dance.

11. Belarus: Alyona Lanskaya – “Solayoh”

Did Kieran dance? Yes.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“There are four men and one woman.”

“This song is a little scary, but I still like it.”

12. Moldova: Aliona Moon – “O mie”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Running Down dance.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“She looks funny with all those funny rings on.”

“I like her voice.”

13. Ireland: Ryan Dolan – “Only Love Survives”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Walk Up dance.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

Does the heart hand gesture thing.

“That one’s good!”

14. Cyprus: Despina Olympiou – “An me thimase”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Jump Up dance.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

(Reading the chyron) “This is called ‘Me and Tapas’!”

“I like her voice.”

15. Belgium: Roberto Bellarosa – “Love kills”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Down-Up Spin Around Dance.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“I like this one!”

16. Serbia: Moje 3 – “Ljubav je svuda”

Did Kieran dance? Yes, the Roll Around Dance, which consisted of him rolling around on the floor.

Did Kieran say he liked it? Yes.

What did Kieran have to say?

“This is one is a little  bit scary. Do you know why? I know why! She has those red things on her head!”

THE VERDICT: Kieran’s favorite – “Igranka”. He’s still singing his version of the chorus as we write this.