Eurovision 2007 Superlatives

I have vivid memories of live-blogging the 2007 Semifinal in a library carrel. Yet even with a small video screen open in one window of my tiny laptop so I could post on Blogger in another window, I could still tell those mannequins onstage during “Vampires Are Alive” looked completely stupid. On with the awards.

  • Best lullaby: Bosnia and Herzegovina (Marija Šestić – “Rijeka bez imena”)
  • Most engaging way to learn the English pronunciation of vowels: Spain (D’NASH – “I Love You Mi Vida”)
  • Least likely to fool Penn & Teller: Belarus (Dmitry Koldun – “Work Your Magic”)
  • The Dervish Award for tone-deaf vocals: Ireland (Dervish – “They Can’t Stop the Spring”)
  • Best goth tribute to Greta Garbo: Finland (Hanna Pakarinen – “Leave Me Alone”)
  • The “Did She Say ‘Douche’?” Award for non-English lyrics that turn us into 12 year olds: Macedonia (Karolina – “Mojot svet”)
  • Most exuberant plea to talk to the hand: Slovenia (Alenka Gotar – “Cvet z juga”)
  • Best prequel to Thelma and Louise: Hungary (Magdi Rúzsa – “Unsubstantial Blues”)
  • Best song on the soundtrack of a Red Shoe Diaries episode: Lithuania (4Fun – “Love or Leave”)
  • Smallest arsenal of dance moves: Greece (Sarbel – “Yassou Maria”)
  • Best debut (because Jesus Christ, just look at what Azerbaijan sends in 2008): Georgia (Sopho – “Visionary Dream”)
  • Best attempt to hypnotize the audience into voting for them: Sweden (The Ark – “The Worrying Kind”)
  • Annual award for most successful theft of France’s thunder: Les Fatals Picards for coming off as kind of douchey when they lifted a bit of Verka Serduchka’s staging and sampled the opening riff of “Work Your Magic”
  • Best PBS pledge drive by hobos: Latvia ( – “Questa notte”)
  • Most sultry Wednesday Addams impersonators: Russia (Serebro – “Song #1”)
  • Best display of shameless self-promotion: Germany (Roger Cicero – “Frauen regier’n die Welt”)
  • Best one-two punch in Eurovision history: Serbia followed up Ukraine (Marija Šerifović – “Molitva” and Verka Serduchka – “Dancing Lasha Tumbai”)
  • The LT United Award for most self-aware entry: United Kingdom (Scooch – “Flying the Flag (For You)”)
  • Best 30 second idea stretched out to the worst three minute song: Romania (Todomondo – “Liubi, Liubi, I Love You”)
  • Best musical representation of the premise for The Perfect Storm: Bulgaria (Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankoulov – “Water”)
  • Worst advice to give to a şekerim holding a can of Diet Coke: Turkey (Kenan Doğulu – “Shake It Up Şekerim”)
  • Best song between the Turkish and Moldovan entries at the 2007 Eurovision Song Contest: Armenia (Hayko – “Anytime You Need”)
  • Best audition for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra: Moldova (Natalia Barbu – “Fight”)
  • Most likely to get there, popular: Serbia

Originally published 25 September 2015