Chris’ Eurovision Finals Recap, Part One

It’s Eurovision time again, and why not kick off the show in Belgrade with last year’s winner, Marija Šerifović? She does “Molitva,” which for tonight’s show has a more Euro-dance feel to it, not to mention gender-bending back-up dancers. She also does a second song that features the lyric, “They will find one day/Love DNA.”

After a little introductory spiel from hosts Jovana Janković and Željko Joksimović, we get underway.

1. Romania
Bad first note from Nico. In fact, she’s pretty awful tonight. It’s like Vlad is the Steve Lawrence of Romania and Nico is the Eydie Gorme.

2. United Kingdom
It really sucks Andy Abraham is going second. I do love this song, and he does a great job. Slick, polished fun.

3. Albania
Olta Boka just cannot carry that chorus. Her voice lacks the richness to sing it over the orchestration by herself. I kinda like the song, but her performance doesn’t do it for me.

4. Germany
Die alle Heiligen! No, wait, No Angels are nowhere near as good as All Saints. The chorus is actively annoying, and the blonde singer is so far out of tune that she might as well be singing “I’m a Little Teapot.” Horrible.

5. Armenia
Love the song, but Sirusho was a bit flat throughout. Better than her performance in the semis, but still not as good as it could be.

6. Bosnia & Herzegovina
The staging of “Pokušaj” strikes me as a window into how Bosnians interpret French comedies. Regardless, it brings a tear to my eye. I love this song so much. (Sir Terry Wogan appeared to have liked it too, until it got more votes than the U.K.)

7. Israel
Man, I really can’t stand Boaz’ upper register. I wish Dana International did this song, seeing as she wrote it and all.

8. Finland
Bathroom break.

9. Croatia
If it weren’t for 75 Cents yelling at me, I’d completely forget about this number.

10. Poland
Sayeth Sir Terry: “The brightest teeth outside of the Osmond family.” The fake tan brings out the whiteness.

11. Iceland
The orchestration is terrific, the performance is fantastic. A Euro-dance classic.

12. Turkey
The more I hear Mor ve Ötesi’s live performance of this song, the more I like it. I wasn’t sure about Turkey deviating from the Mediterranean pop, but this is a really good song.

13. Portugal
Vânia Fernandes is far and away the best singer at Eurovision. Terrific performance. Maybe a little bloc voting from Andorra, Spain, and France will help. Romance languages gots ta stick together.

14. Latvia
God, this is so dumb.