Eurovision 2008 Superlatives

The 2008 Eurovision Song Contest seems to have been the last gasp of the properly jokey entries, at least in the Final. Some may lament how serious Eurovision has gotten, but we say, watch “Wolves of the Sea” and tell us that is something that’s missing from the Song Contest.

  • Best unintentional musical representation of the premise for The War of the Roses: Romania (Nico and Vlad – “Pe-o margine de lume”)
  • Andy Abraham award for entry least deserving of its fate: United Kingdom (Andy Abraham – “Even If”)
  • Act most in need of back-up singers: Albania (Olta Boka – “Zemrën e lamë peng”)
  • Dervish Award for tone-deaf vocals: Germany (No Angels – “Disappear”)
  • Best casting choice for Elaine in the Armenian remake of Seinfeld: Armenia (Sirusho – “Qélé, Qélé” )
  • Most Dadaist Eurovision entry ever: Bosnia and Herzegovina (Laka – “Pokušaj”)
  • Best use of silver lamé to accentuate chiseled biceps: Israel (Boaz Ma’uda – “The Fire in Your Eyes”)
  • Best reminder that Finland won with Lordi: Finland (Teräsbetoni – “Missä miehet ratsastaa”)
  • This award goes out to a gang-bangin’ player who ain’t with us no more: 75 Cents, Croatia (Kraljevi Ulice and 75 cents – “Romanca”)
  • Best tan: Poland (Isis Gee – “For Life”)
  • Most anthemic anthem: Iceland (Euroband – “This Is My Life”)
  • Must not make “Deli” Turkey joke award: Turkey (Mor ve Ötesi – “Deli”)
  • Award for telling that hurricane who’s boss: Portugal (Vânia Fernandes – “Senhora do mar (Negras águas)”)
  • Best reason to walk the plank: Latvia (Pirates of the Sea – “Wolves of the Sea”)
  • Best drag impersonation of Charlotte Perrelli: Sweden (Charlotte Perrelli – “Hero”)
  • Pushiest demand to celebrate good times: Denmark (Simon Mathew – “All Night Long”)
  • Best costume change: Georgia (Diana Gurtskaya – “Peace Will Come”)
  • Best song that didn’t win Eurovision: Ukraine (Ani Lorak – “Shady Lady”)
  • Annual award for most successful theft of France’s thunder: The cameraman (Sébastien Tellier – “Divine”)
  • Best recap of a Dan Brown novel: Azerbaijan (Elnur and Samir “Day After Day”)
  • Perkiest call for abstinence: Greece (Kalomira – “Secret Combination”)
  • Best dance tutorial: Spain (Rodolfo Chikilicuatre – “Baila el Chiki-chiki”)
  • Best attempt to not win Eurovision while not embarrassing themselves in the process: Serbia (Jelena Tomašević – “Oro” )
  • The platinum medal for best strategic Plushy deployment: Russia (Dima Bilan – “Believe”)
  • Worst lyric ever, not just in Eurovision history but in the history of all music: “Love can be hard sometimes/Yes, it can catch you off guard like bad crimes”, Norway (Maria Haukaas Storeng – “Hold On Be Strong”)
  • Most likely to get there, popular: Russia

Originally published 28 September 2015