Eurovision 2012 Superlatives

The Eurovision Song Contest is over for 2012, so it’s time for Eurovision Lemurs to hand out our annual superlatives. To make Tooji feel better, everyone’s a winner tonight.

  • Best use of the pyro Bulgaria ended up not needing for the final: United Kingdom (Engelbert Humperdinck – “Love Will Set You Free”)
  • Best performance by an act you forgot about later: Hungary (Compact Disco – “Sound of Our Hearts”)
  • Best way to order a chai at Starbucks: Albania (Thanks to eurovicious) (Rona Nishliu – “Suus”)
  • Best use of a Bedazzler: Lithuania (Donny Montell – “Love Is Blind”)
  • Best shout out to Alexis Carrington: Bosnia and Herzegovina (Maya Sar – “Korake ti znam”)
  • Most adorable grannies, oh my god they are so fucking CUTE, THEY BAKED COOKIES!!!!!: Russia (Buranovskiye Babushki – “Party for Everybody”)
  • Best use of a Jonsi outside of Sigur Ros: Iceland (Greta Salóme and Jónsi – “Never Forget”)
  • Best tribute to Nomi Malone: Cyprus (Ivi Adamou – “La La Love”)
  • Best tribute to Jane Russell in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes: France (Anggun – “Echo (You and I)”)
  • The annual award for most successful theft of France’s thunder: Italy (Nina Zilli – “L’amore è femmina (Out of Love)”)
  • The Eric Saade Award for most palpable sense of relief at the end of the song: Estonia (Ott Lepland – “Kuula”)
  • Worst birthday present: Tooji from Norway’s last place performance
  • Best continuation of a proud tradition of bombing at Eurovision: Norway (Tooji – “Stay”)
  • Best Hunger Games reference: Azerbaijan’s dress (Sabina Babayeva – “When the Music Dies”)
  • Best musical representation of the premise for The Big Bang Theory: Romania (Mandinga – “Zaleilah”)
  • Best epaulets: Denmark (Soluna Samay – “Should’ve Known Better”)
  • The Svetlana Loboda Award for least subtle sexual innuendo: Greece (Eleftheria Eleftheriou – “Aphrodisiac”)
  • Most likely to get there, popular: Sweden this time
  • Best Hammer dance: Sweden (Loreen – “Euphoria”)
  • Best 38 seconds of work: Sweden’s back-up dancer
  • The First Annual Can Bonomo Award for most bad-ass staging: Turkey (Can Bonomo – “Love Me Back”)
  • The Jóhanna Award for best performance by country that wants to do well without actually winning: Spain (Pastora Soler – “Quédate conmigo”)
  • Biggest Eurogasm: Spain
  • Best song the United Kingdom should have entered: Germany (Roman Lob – “Standing Still”)
  • Biggest hint to the BBC that they should reconsider how they pick their Eurovision entries: Germany for the past three years
  • Most adorable performer who isn’t a Russian granny: Germany
  • Largest, most expressive feet: Malta (Kurt Calleja – “This Is the Night”)
  • Best scream: Macedonia (Kaliopi – “Crno i belo”)
  • Best tribute to Metropolis: Ireland
  • The Amaury Vassili Award for wettest squib: Ireland (Jedward – “Waterline”)
  • Best performance by Eurovision royalty who really deserves a better fate: Serbia (Željko Joksimović – “Nije ljubav stvar”)
  • The Other Svetlana Loboda Award for “more is more” staging: Ukraine (Gaitana – “Be My Guest”)
  • Best impression of the Squirrel Nut Zippers by a Colin Ferrell impersonator: Moldova (Pasha Parfeny – “Lăutar”)