Lithuania’s Eurovision 2013 Entry

Goddamn it, Lithuania.

You could have sent a bad-ass, Estonian-cool slice of retro ’80s pop with Gerai Gerai and Miss Sheep’s “War in the wardrobe.” You could have sent a Eurokitschy slab of Swedish pop with DAR’s “Jump!” You could even have your traditional, slightly musty but terrifically performed big Eurovision ballad with Girmantė Vaitkutė’s “Time to shine.”

Instead, you go with Andrius Pojavis’ “Something,” a Killers-esque pop-rock number sung by a charisma black hole in a ratty tuxedo and top hat desperately grabbing for whimsy with two Jabbawockeez impersonators and Isadora Duncan’s famous Angry Birds routine, all being assaulted by Lawrence Welk’s bubble machine.

Just when we thought you were getting the hang of this Eurovision thing.

I don’t know if we’re going soft, or that the quality of music has been higher than normal, but this is the third national final in a row we enjoyed. Granted, it was padded out way too much, with long commercial breaks and interminably long conversations after each performance. But there was a lot of music to like, which is why the final decision is so puzzling to us.

Look, “Something” is not bad. It starts off slowly, but has a catchy chorus. I don’t hate it, and it may even grow on me. (May.)  But it lacks the charm that we saw from so many of the other performers tonight. Lithuania has a lot of work to do to make “Something” workable on a big stage. It’s hard to make a call this early in the season, but we think this is going to struggle to get out of the semi-finals.

Goddamn it.