The 2014 Eurovision That Almost Was: Semifinal Two

We continue our look at a Eurovision Song Contest parallel universe, one in which Norway issues a sequel to “I Feed You My Love,” Ireland issues a sequel to “Rock and Roll Kids,” Greece issues a sequel to “Alcohol is Free,” and Romania issues a sequel to the works of Franz Lehár.

Malta. De Bee, “Pin the Middle.” This song was a little earthy-crunchy, but it had an original sound. It was a distant 2nd place finisher to Firelight but not a bad effort at all.

Israel. Mei Finegold, “Nish’eret iti.”  Mei Finegold was an internal selection, but the public was invited to select from three songs. “Same Heart” received 55% of the public vote. “Nish’eret iti” was also a popular choice, receiving 40% of the public vote. Of the three, this dance track with a repetitive refrain was our least favorite.

Norway. Linnea Dale, “High Hopes.”  “High Hopes,” an ultra-cool electropop number, was Melodi Grand Prix’s followup to Margaret Berger. It’s a great song, and as we’ve already noted in a previous post, one of our favorites from the national final season. But Carl Espen, who also has a great song, prompted a large voting turnout in his home region, and Linnea finished a distant second.

Georgia. Not applicable, internal selection.

Poland. Not applicable, internal selection.

Austria. Not applicable, internal selection.

LithuaniaMia and “Take A Look At Me Now.” Lithuania’s complicated national selection process resulted in two might have beens: a 2nd place singer and a 2nd place song. The penultimate Eurovizijos episode decided the song. The jury favorite was “Take a Look at Me Now.”  Early on, Mia’s version was upbeat and pop-influenced, but that fuzzy dubstep mix grated after a couple minutes. In later stages in the competition, it morphed into a conventional ballad. In the hands of eventual winner Vilija Matačiūnaitė, “Take a Look at Me Now” was a sultry soul ballad with an ’80s cheese-fest sax solo. The public narrowly preferred “Attention,” so it got the nod over the jury’s preference. The final Eurovizijos episode determined the singer. Mia’s interpretation of “Attention” played up the glamour and seduction of the verses, but she couldn’t get the syncopation in the refrain. Mia had a lot of support from jury and fans, but Matačiūnaitė with “Attention”–a song she herself had written–ultimately gained the edge with both.

Finland. Mikko Pohjola, “Sängyn Reunalla.” A class act from start to finish, “Sängyn Reunalla” was similar towhat Pernilla Karlsson did for Finland in 2012, except so much better because Pohjola wasn’t boring. But in 2014’s competitive UMK, both jury and the public went for Softengine’s more international sound.

Ireland. Eoghan Quinn, “The Movie Song.” A sweet singer-songwriter entry from a Louis Walsh protegé and former UK X Factor contestant. The song yearned for a bygone era when emotions were more innocent and we were less cynical. An updated “Rock n’ Roll Kids,” if you will. “Heartbeat” finished first with the Irish public and the jury, but “The Movie Song” is yet another example of a second place finisher that we preferred to the winner.

Belarus. Max Lorens and DiDyuLya, “Now You’re Gone.” “Now You’re Gone” was a dull, Latin-inspired ballad. Max Lorens did as much as anyone could to sell this mediocre material. The Belorussian public bought it; he decisively won the televote. However, the jury preferred TEO, and that resulted in a tie between 1st and 2nd place. The tiebreak was settled by jurors giving paper hearts to their preferred candidate, and given the jury had already voiced a clear preference, it was no surprise how that was going to be settled. Though Max Lorens didn’t get the nod, this year’s result should leave no doubt that he is a great singer who deserves better. Perhaps the jury will make it up to him next year.

Macedonia. Internal selection, not applicable.

Switzerland. Yasmina Hunzinger, “I Still Believe.” Switzerland was just rough this year, full stop. Their second place finisher was a plodding, paint-by-numbers ballad of love and hope, chock full of cliches and insipid sentiment. It wasn’t well sung either. Hunzinger had poor control between chest voice and head voice, and her vocal runs sounded like a cat whose tail had been pulled. We’re no fans of Sebalter, but at least his song doesn’t sound like something we’ve heard a million times before.

Greece. Kostas Martakis, “Kanenas Den Me Stamata.” Dreamy, dreamy Kostas Martakis had to be considered the front runner going into the Greek national final. A well-known celebrity in Greece, he has an unbroken string of platinum and gold studio albums to his credit, as well as appearances on several celebrity reality shows, including Greece’s Dancing with the Stars, where he finished 2nd. His 2014 Eurovision bid, “Kanenas Den Me Stamata,” was written by Elias Kozas, the front man of Koza Mostra, which represented Greece in 2013 with “Alcohol is Free.”  “Kanenas Den Me Stamata” was pumped-up cock rock with loud brass, electric guitar solos, and a stadium-friendly hook. The only way it could have been more manly is if Martakis was saving a woman from a burning building while popping a handful of Cialis. It was a good try, yet all-in-all it seemed like a lot of posturing. Both the jury and the public preferred “Rise Up,” which was just more fun.

Slovenia. Muff, “Let Me Be (Myself).”  Sorry, Muff, there’s only room for one drag queen at Eurovision this year. We know Muff has her share of fans, but, folks, we don’t get it. To us, her vocal was affected and the performance of this supposed self-empowerment anthem felt fake. Tinkara Kovač (deservedly) trounced her in the Superfinal.

Romania. Vaida, “One More Time.” Paula & Ovi were the choice of the Romanian jury, not the public.  In point of fact, Vaida and her accordion-tinged Viennese waltz were the overwhelming choice of the public, receiving 46% of the televote. Paula & Ovi, in 2nd place, received only 13%. However, the jury made absolute certain that Vaida was nowhere near contention, placing her 7th in their ranking. And for that we say to Romanian jury, thank you very much!!!

So, what do we make of all this?  If we put on our omnipotence hat, which of these 2nd place songs would we swap in order to strengthen the 2014 2nd Semi?

In this group, as it turns out, not many. Malta is cute, but assuming Firelight is able to solve its execution issues, it would be unlikely to produce a significant net quality gain. We prefer the runner ups in Norway and Finland, but it’s personal preference–what’s going is good too. And, we are relieved that the jury overturned the public results in Romania and Belarus. Basically, the only one in this group that we think would have been a better choice for Eurovision is Ireland.