Eurovision 2015 Superlatives

It’s time once again for us to bestow honor upon all of the songs that competed for this year’s Eurovision title. Everyone’s a winner, which we hope will make Austria and Germany feel better.

  • Most reassuring statement to a spelunker: “When you’re down, down low and there’s no place you can go/When you’re down, down low, you know that I am here for you” (Slovenia, Maraaya – “Here for You”)
  • Annual award for most successful theft of France’s thunder: The dreaded number two slot (Lisa Angell – “N’oubliez pas”)
  • Best new motto for Israel tourism: “And before you leave, let us show you Tel Aviv”(Nadav Guedj – “Golden Boy”)
  • Best application of film noir mise-en-scène: Estonia (Elina Born & Stig Rästa – “Goodbye to Yesterday”)
  • Most “fun”: United Kingdom (Electro Velvet – “Still in Love with You”)
  • Most diasporaspastastic: Armenia (Genealogy – “Face the Shadow”)
  • Worst ability to control their adrenaline (or their hormones): Lithuania (Monika Linkytė & Vaidas Baumila – “This Time”)
  • Best song when the time has come for you to lip sync for your life: Serbia (Bojana Stamenov – “Beauty Never Lies”)
  • Best emo interpretation of “The Monster Mash”: Norway (Mørland & Debrah Scarlett – “A Monster Like Me”)
  • Most forgone conclusion: Sweden (Måns Zelmerlöw – “Heroes”)
  • Most sensitive ex-boyfriend: Cyprus (John Karayiannis – “One Thing I Should Have Done”)
  • Most casual evening stroll through a dystopian urban landscape: Australia (Guy Sebastian – “Tonight Again”)
  • Best template for Minecraft Eurovision: Belgium (Loïc Nottet – “Rhythm Inside”)
Get on this, Stampy Cat!
  • German-speaking country that was least deserving of its fate: (tieAustria and Germany
  • Worst Eurovision Lemurs prediction: In regards to Austria – “It’s a solid, respectable staging for a solid, respectable song that should give the hosts a solid, respectable result in the voting.” (The Makemakes – “I Am Yours”)
  • Best ability to sing during a hurricane: Greece (Maria Elena Kyriakou – “One Last Breath”)
  • Best new wedding dance craze: Montenegro (Knez – “Adio”)
Courtesy of Eurovision Gifs
Courtesy of Eurovision Gifs
  • Best Rorschach test (or worst, depending on how you look at it): Germany (Ann Sophie – “Black Smoke”)
  • Most helpful household tip: Poland, showing everyone the best way to dry sheets (Monika Kuszyńska – “In the Name of Love”)
  • Greatest lung capacity: Latvia (Aminata – “Love Injected”)
  • Least effective plea to get someone to think of the children: Romania finishing in 15th place (Voltaj – “De la capat”)
  • Best pas-de-deux involving the Virgin Mary: Warrior Princess: Spain (Edurne -“Amanecer”)
  • Best call to go walk children in nature: Hungary (Boggie – “Wars for Nothing”)
  • Best audition for the part of Zuul in the Ghostbusters reboot: Georgia (Nina Sublatti – “Warrior”)
  • Best eleven o’clock number from Little Red Riding Hood: The Musical!Azerbaijan (Elnur Huseynov – “Hour of the Wolf”)
  • Best performance under duress: Russia (Polina Gagarina – “A Million Voices”)
  • Best rebound from a rough Semifinal performance: Albania (Elhaida Dani – “I’m Alive”)
  • Best distillation of 400 years of Italian opera tradition into a three-minute pop song: Italy (Il Volo – “Grande amore”)
  • Most likely to get there, popular: Sweden
But do hummingbirds even sing?

2 thoughts on “Eurovision 2015 Superlatives”

  1. So meanwhile a big fuss is made over the split jury / televote results. Aparently Italy won the televote thing by a landslide, but the juries brought them down to third place. Time to brush off the good old “do we need juries or not” debate.

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