Croatia’s Eurovision 2017 Entry

What fresh hell is this?

“My Friend” kicks off with Jacques Houdek reading a quote from Einstein, because if you’re gonna quote, quote from the best. Where do people get this stuff, off of t-shirts? Enjoy that quote, by the way, because it is the most coherent part of the song.

“My Friend” very quickly descends into madness because as far as we can tell this is a duet sung by one guy. English lyrics in a generic pop voice alternate with Italian lyrics in an operatic tenor voice. Is Jacques in a sing-off with an anonymous Italian tenor or is he the only singer? Is the tenor his friend? Is Jacques having a conversation with his evil Italian tenor alter ego, like Smeagol and Gollum? Is his friend his precious? Is he trying to convince Frodo that he is his friend, not poor Samwise? Is Frodo played by that guy from Il Volo with the glasses? You know the one. Are they going Mt. Doom together to cast this song into the fiery chasm from whence it came? Is Jacques going to bite off the Il Volo guy’s finger during the staging? Because that would certainly be something we haven’t seen at Eurovision before. Unless Nana Mouskouri did it.

Six people wrote this song. Six!

May 11 cannot come soon enough.