23. Iceland – Silva Night: "Congratulations"

This sounds exactly like “Oops! I Did It Again.” Which is intentional. It’s another “I am totally going win Eurovision” song. It pales in comparison to the Lithuania song, but it does have the lyrics “Congratulations, I have arrived” and “You’ve been waiting forever for me to save you.” The singer is actively annoying, though. And in the middle, she calls God to tell him she’s saving the world. The crowd is booing her pretty hard, and why not?

21. ESTONIA!!!! – Sandra: "Through My Window"

Wow, another ABBA-esque beginning. And another collection of ’80s-influenced outfits. R.U.F.F.U.S. was right: the ’80s are coming back. This is awful, but I love Estonia, so I’m giving it a pass. The singer has the old WCW Championship belt on for some reason. I’m waiting for Goldberg’s music to start. Nope, still a crappy ABBA rip-off. In fact, Estonia out-ABBAed Sweden this year. That ain’t right, but since it’s Estonia, I don’t want to be right.

[NOTE: The singer is from Sweden, but she’s performing for Estonia. I’ve removed one exclamation point from the headline to this post as punishment.]

20. Sweden – Carola: "Invincible"

Well, of COURSE, Sweden’s entry sounds like ABBA. It ALWAYS sounds like ABBA. The singer has a long flowing train on her coat and the strongest jawline I’ve seen tonight. The song sucks, but it rhymes “invincible” with “insatiable,” so it’s got that going for it.

18. Lithuania – LT United: "We Are the Winners"

Six guys in suits singing an ’80s-synth pop song about how they are the winners of the Eurovision, so “vote for the winners.” This would be funnier if they hadn’t followed the Finnish entry. I wonder if this type of sarcastic cynicism is a part of Lithuania’s national character. Because that would be awesome.

15. Ukraine – Tina Karol: "Show Me Your Love"

*NSYNC-sounding beginning, except with accordions. The singer is trying to sound like Shakira. I’m just going to leave it as a given that the dancing is bad. I’ll let you know when it’s any good. They’re jump-roping, though, so that’s something. Prototypical upbeat Eurovision number. Not memorable, as adorable as the singer is.